Aaron Robertson is a writer, an editor, and a translator of Italian literature. His translation of Igiaba Scego’s Beyond Babylon was short-listed for the 2020 PEN Translation Prize and the National Translation Award, and in 2021 he received a National Endowment for the Arts grant. His work has appeared in the New York Times, The Nation, Foreign Policy, n+1, The Point, and Literary Hub, among other publications. He lives in Brooklyn, New York.

Aaron Robertson

Aaron Shapiro

Aaron T Beck

Aaron Vallance

Aaron Young was born in Portsmouth, Hampshire, and read Politics and Communications at The University of Liverpool. He is a BAFTA-nominated director, producer and executive producer with over 20 years of experience across projects for the BBC, PBS, Channel 4, Channel 5, UKTV, UK Film Council and Arts Council England. A long-time collaborator of acclaimed historian, James Holland, he is the producer and director of the BAFTA-shortlisted BBC titles ‘Battle of Britain: The Real Story’ and, ‘Dam Busters: The Race to Smash the German Dams’, as well as ‘The Battle for Malta’, ‘Normandy ’44: The Battle Beyond D-Day’, the RTS-nominated ‘Imphal &amp; Kohima: Britain’s Greatest Battle.’, and the 3-part series, 'Normandy '44: D-Day and the Battle for France. His most recent credits include 'Hidden Histories of WWII', 'Lost Temples of Cambodia', the RTS-winning ‘Lost Home Movies of Nazi Germany’, and ‘Prue Leith: Journey with My Daughter’. Aaron was named in the inaugural list of BAFTA ‘Brits to Watch.’ He is the co-owner of award-winning film and television production company, Bright Button Productions, and lives with his wife and children in Poundbury, Dorset.

Aaron Young

Aatish Taseer

Abbe Prevost

Abbey Bryant is an NYC-based award-winning illustrator. With her BFA in Children's Book Illustration, her notable illustrated books include Nautilus award winner Hazel Mist, Hypnotist as well as an Enchanted Fairy House Kit with Scholastic's Klutz! 
 
As a queer illustrator, LGBTQ+ themes and stories hold a spot near to her heart. Most days she can be found around the city drawing New Yorkers or sketching trees at the park.

Abbey Bryant

Abbey Clancy is a model, television presenter and the host of chart-topping podcast The Therapy Crouch. She was the runner-up of Britain's Next Top Model in 2006, winner of Strictly Come Dancing in 2013 and went on to present Britain's Next Top Model. Later this year she will host Celebrity Homes on ITV.

Abbey Clancy

Abbie Greaves studied at Cambridge University before working in a literary agency for a number of years. She was inspired to write her first novel, The Silent Treatment, after reading a newspaper article about a boy in Japan who had never seen his parents speak to one another before. 
 
Abbie lives in Brighton with her boyfriend.

Abbie Greaves

Abbie Ross is a British author and psychotherapist. Her first book, Hippy Dinners, a funny and poignant memoir of her bohemian childhood in 1970s North Wales, has been optioned by Baby Cow, who are developing it into an 8-part television series. 
Before turning to writing, Abbie had a successful career as a producer at Aardman Animations, the acclaimed studios behind Wallace &amp; Gromit and the film Chicken Run. 
Today, she divides her time between her thriving psychotherapy practice in Bristol, and her writing, and finds that the two careers complement each other perfectly.

Abbie Ross

Abbie Spallen

Abbie Taylor lives in Dublin. She works as a doctor and has two daughters.

Abbie Taylor

Abby L Yates co-founded the Ghostbusters with Erin Gilbert. Ghosts from Our Past was her first book, now finally back in print.

Abby L Yates

Abby Lee

Abby Rawlinson is an integrative therapist with a private practice based in east London, UK. Her work mixes traditional psychotherapeutic theories with cutting-edge, evidence-based techniques into a style that feels relatable, down-to-earth, and compassionate. Abby regularly contributes to articles, including but not limited to Stylist, Elle, BBC, Harpers Bazaar, Sheerluxe, Women's Health, and Psychologies. She can be found on Instagram @therapywithabby or online at therapywithabby.co.uk

Abby Rawlinson

Abby Wambach is a two-time Olympic gold medallist, FIFA World Cup champion, six-time winner of the U.S. Soccer Athlete of the Year award and one of Time’s Most Influential People. She is a founder of Treat Media, an award-winning media company that makes art for humans who want to stay human. Abby is the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Wolfpack and the New York Times bestseller Forward. Named one of the ‘50 Most Powerful People in Podcasting,’ she is co-host of the chart-topping podcast We Can Do Hard Things, which has received over a half billion plays. Abby is an executive producer of the Sundance award-winning film Come See Me in the Good Light, part owner of the NWSL’s Angel City Football Club and sits on multiple boards. Her most recent book, We Can Do Hard Things: Answers to Life’s 20 Questions, created with Glennon Doyle, Amanda Doyle and Treat Media, is being hailed as ‘the guidebook for being alive.’

Abby Wambach

Abel &amp; Cole’s story starts in 1988 with Keith Abel flogging potatoes door-to-door. ‘Of course potatoes are organic,’ he thought, ‘they’re vegetables’. However, he quickly discovered how unnecessarily complicated our food system had become and, consequently, realised the huge benefits of going organic and never looked back. In fact, Abel &amp; Cole still get veg from the farm where Keith's first organic spuds came from. 
To this day, their priorities remain the same. Now, selling 100% organic produce, Abel &amp; Cole believe that organic farming (a holistic system that encourages biodiversity) is the very best way to go. It protects our countryside and the critters that inhabit it, insists on the very best animal welfare, supports your local community and, frankly, tastes heaps better. Abel &amp; Cole think so anyway.

Abel & Cole Limited

Abhijit Banerjee, winner of the 2019 Nobel Prize in Economics, is the Ford Foundation International Professor of Economics at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and a co-founder and co-director of the Abdul Latif Jameel Poverty Action Lab (J-PAL). In 2011, he was named one of Foreign Policy magazine’s top 100 global thinkers. Banerjee served on the U.N. Secretary-General’s High-level Panel of Eminent Persons on the Post-2015 Development Agenda.

Abhijit V. Banerjee

Abhishek Mukherjee, 30, is a Delhi-based journalist. He holds a bachelor's degree in English literature from Delhi University, a post-graduate diploma in journalism from the Indian Institute of Mass Communication, New Delhi and an MBA from the Indian Institute of Management, Raipur. He also likes dogs.

Abhishek Mukherjee

Abi Elphinstone grew up in Scotland where she spent most of her childhood running wild across the moors, hiding in tree houses and building dens in the woods. After being coaxed out of her tree house, she studied English at Bristol University and then worked as an English teacher in Africa, Berkshire and London. She is the bestselling and multi-award shortlisted author of RUMBLESTAR (first in The Unmapped Chronicles), SKY SONG &amp; THE DREAMSNATCHER TRILOGY, published by S&amp;S. When she's not writing, Abi volunteers for Beanstalk, speaks in schools and travels the world looking for her next story.

Abi Elphinstone

Abi Falase is a Black British writer and director, reimagining fundamental societal concepts in inventive new worlds. Abi has written and directed a number of plays, including The Village and Rush with the Almedia Theatre, as well as Rift for Immediate Theatre and was shortlisted for the BBC Scriptworks ‘A Thousand Stories’ scriptwriting competition in 2021.

Abi Falase

Abi Titmuss

Abie Longstaff is the eldest of six children and grew up in Australia, Hong Kong and France. She knows all about squabbling, chaos and bossing younger sisters around. So she logically began her career as a barrister. She started writing when her children were born. Her favourite childhood books were Hating Alison Ashley, A Little Princess, Maura's Angel and The Black Stallion and she sneakily reads them again sometimes. Abie lives in Hove with her family.

Abie Longstaff

Abigail Ahern

Abigail is a Brighton-based writer, illustrator and creative producer. Original storytelling has always been at the heart of Abigail's career and she has spent a decade leading social media campaigns for some of the biggest TV &amp; entertainment clients in the world. Abigail also used to perform stand-up comedy and won several tiny trophies for her onstage humour; which involved life-size illustrations, ridiculous songs and rambling stories about her family.

Abigail Balfe

Abigail Docherty

Abigail Foster is a Chartered Accountant and founder of Elent Finance, a financial education company designed to demystify the world of finance and empower you to achieve financial wellbeing. 
 
Abigail has worked with leading financial institutions across the UK, including HMRC, the Bank of England and Downing Street, and global companies such as Google and Goldman Sachs. She hosts a weekly money segment on LBC radio and has also appeared as a finance expert on ITV, Channel 5 and Sky News.

Abigail Foster

Abigail Owen is the #1 New York Times and #1 USA Today bestselling author of 30+ books that range from upper YA (18+) epic romantasy to new adult modern mythic romantasy to super spicy adult paranormal romance. She loves magical worlds with plots that move hot and fast, feisty heroines with sass, heroes with heart, a dash of snark, and oodles of HEAs! Other titles include: wife, mother, Star Wars geek, ex-competitive skydiver, AuDHD, spreadsheet lover, Jeopardy! fanatic, organizational guru, true classic movie buff, linguaphile, wishful world traveler, and chocoholic. Abigail currently resides in Austin, Texas, with her own swoon-worthy hero, their (mostly) angelic teenagers, and an adorable fur baby.

Abigail Owen

Abigail Ulman was born and raised in Melbourne. She has a BA in Creative Arts from the University of Melbourne/VCA and was a recent Wallace Stegner Fellow in Fiction at Stanford University. This is her first book.

Abigail Ulman

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The definitive collection of Nigel Farage's witty quips, wise pronouncements and political insights. Every single one of them. 
 
Nigel Farage is a down-to-earth ex-banker and self-styled man of the people. He was elected to the European Parliament in 1999 and has attended occasionally ever since. He enjoys fishing, drinking beer and scaremongering, and dislikes evidence-based politics and Belgians. 
 
** Please note that this book is, of course, entirely blank **

The Wit and Wisdom of Nigel Farage

Ronnie Barker

With a foreword by Ronnie Corbett. 
 
Loved by millions and collected here for the first time is the very best of Ronnie Barker’s classic sketches, monologues, songs and, of course, the brilliant two-handers that he wrote for The Two Ronnies. Celebrating his genius for comic wordplay, this wonderful collection includes ‘Pismonouncers Unanimous’, ‘An Appeal for Women’ ‘Swedish for Beginners’ and the nation’s favourite sketch, ‘Fork Handles’. 
 
As talented a writer as he was performer, Ronnie Barker was behind the best known Two Ronnies’ material. His comedy writing was so prolific that he began using the pseudonym Gerald Wiley while working on Frost on Sunday, which he continued when making The Two Ronnies, so eager was he to ensure that his writing was judged on its merit alone. 
 
Showcasing the work of a true comic icon, and one of the best writers and comedians of the twentieth century, Fork Handles is every bit as warm and funny as Ronnie Barker himself.

Fork Handles

The Bery Vest of Ronnie Barker

Anish Sheth

With universal appeal (everyone poos, after all), this witty, illustrated description of over two dozen dookies (each with a medical explanation written by a doctor) details what one can learn about health and well-being by studying what's in the bowl. A floater? It's probably due to a buildup of gas. Now think back on last night's dinner, a burrito perhaps? 
 
All the greatest hits are here: The Log Jam, The Glass Shard, The Deja Poo, The Hanging Chad ... the list goes on. Sidebars, trivia, over 60 euphemisms for number two, and unusual case histories all make this the ultimate bathroom reader. Who knew you could learn so much from your poo? 
 
Previously published as The Book of Poo

What’s Your Poo Telling You?

Guy Browning

This book does for the office what Never Hit a Jellyfish With A Spade did for the rest of life. It lets you into all the little secrets, tips and rules for surviving the office jungle. Office Politics explains in detail all the many reasons why you prefer lying under your duvet to sitting at your desk. 
 
In the book you'll learn all about: 
 
- Bosses from hell, with egos even larger than their company cars. 
 
- How office pot plants survive on a diet of cold coffee and furniture polish. 
 
- How to avoid responsibility for work, pass the buck and take the credit all at the same time. 
 
- What your favourite sandwich fillings say about you as a person. 
 
- Tell-tale signs of office affairs and what to do if you think you might be having one. 
 
Office Politics makes sense of all the things in office life that make no sense at all. So fill out your purchase order form, cancel all meetings and settle back for a read that's almost as hilarious as the MD's dancing at the Christmas party.

Office Politics

How work really works

Miles Jupp

** Shortlisted for the William Hill Sports Book of the Year Award ** 
 
Fanatical about cricket since he was a boy, Miles Jupp would do anything to see his heroes play. But perhaps deciding to bluff his way into the press corps during England's Test series in India wasn't his best idea. 
 
By claiming to be the cricket correspondent for BBC Scotland and getting a job with the (Welsh) Western Mail, Miles lands the press pass that will surely be the ticket to his dreams. Soon, he finds himself in cricket heaven - drinking with David Gower and Beefy, sharing bar room banter with Nasser Hussain and swapping diarrhoea stories with the Test Match Special team. 
 
But struggling in the heat under the burden of his own fibs, reality soon catches up with Miles as he bumbles from one disaster to the next. A joyous, charming, yet cautionary tale, Fibber in the Heat is for anyone who's ever dreamt about doing nothing but watching cricket all day long.

Fibber in the Heat

Danny Wallace

Danny is back with more hilarious true-life stories of hopeless modern manhood 
 
A husband and now a new father, Danny Wallace is a man who struggles to understand the unspoken rules of society... 
 
For example, when do you hug? And when do you NOT hug? 
 
How do you react when you realise that yesterday's underpants might still be in your trousers? 
 
What do you do if you think you might have a man-crush? 
 
And what happens when you think you may have accidentally ordered your wife a prostitute for her birthday? 
 
Following the bestselling Awkward Situations for Man and based on his incredibly popular columns, Danny Wallace entertains us with more stories from his often embarrassing and bewildering life. 
 
No one said it was easy being a man. And Danny is finding it harder than ever. 
 
(Previously published as More Awkward Situations for Men) 
 
Danny's first solo book, Join Me, was described as a 'word-of-mouth phenomenon' by The Bookseller and 'one of the funniest stories you will ever read' by the Daily Mail. His second book, Yes Man - in which he decided to say 'Yes' to everything - was described as 'hilarious' by several national newspapers. The Warner Bros. film adaptation of Wallace's book Yes Man, starring Jim Carrey in the lead role, was released in December 2008 and grossed $230,000,000worldwide. Danny's third book Friends Like These, described by The Bookseller as 'another comedy masterpiece' is currently in development as a major project by Miramax. In 2011, Danny Wallace was named PPA's Columnist of the Year for his weekly column in Short List Magazine, 'Danny Wallace is a Man', which formed the starting point for his book Awkward Situations for Men. 
 
Danny lives in North London with his wife and baby. Find out more about Danny at www.dannywallace.com.

What Not to Do (And How to Do It)

Mindy Kaling

‘Where have you been all our lives, Mindy?’ Glamour 
 
Mindy Kaling has lived many lives: comedienne, actress, obedient child of immigrant professionals and, now, writer. With a blend of witty confessions and unscientific observations, Mindy writes about everything from being a timid young chubster afraid of her own bike to living the Hollywood life, dating, friendships and planning her own funeral – all executed with several conveniently placed stopping points for you to run errands and make phone calls. 
 
‘Hilarious’ Elle

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

(And other concerns)

Caitlin Moran

Moranthology

Pam Ayres

'Next, I applied to work in the accounts department, a sealed room where women operated clattering machines like enormous typewriters. After I had catastrophically and erroneously applied all the wrong information to several trolley loads of documents and lumbered the staff with weeks of corrective work, I was shown the door by a tight-lipped manageress. I knew what was coming. Over the relentless, furious din of machinery, I lip-read the familiar words: "Lacks the necessary aptitude."' 
 
Pam Ayres' early childhood in Stanford in the Vale was idyllic in many ways, and typical of that experienced by a great swathe of children born in rural areas in the immediate post-war years. Though her parents' generation was harrowed by war, better times were coming. Everything the family needed was within walking distance in the village, and life with four older brothers and a sister in their crowded council house was exceedingly lively. 
 
In her late teens, Pam grew dissatisfied with her life as a Civil Service clerk with only the local 'hop' for scintillating excitement. Having seen three of her brothers called up for National Service and sent off to exciting destinations, Pam felt desperate for travel and adventure. She joined the WRAF and soon found herself in the Far East. There she began to write in earnest, and develop the unique talent that would make her one of Britain's favourite comics... 
 
Written with Pam's much-loved combination of humour and poignancy, The Necessary Aptitude is a beautifully written memoir of her early years.

The Necessary Aptitude

A Memoir

DANNY WALLACE IS A MAN. 
 
But what does it actually mean to be a man in the 21st century? A toe-curling moment, an embarrassing faux-pas or a bewildering social situation is always just round the corner. 
 
Danny, for example, always says the wrong thing about a friend's baby; has his party gate-crashed by a minor celebrity; and even discovers the pleasures of wearing pyjamas (exciting isn't it!). He breaks all the rules; hides a pastry; accidentally spits on someone; tricks Su Pollard; and (we've all been there) avoids his old hairdresser. And then there are the times when he has an argument with a bishop; experiences stage fright in the men's room; gets his wife a treat; and (eventually) helps a lady who has accidentally got her skirt all hitched up. 
 
As we follow a year in his life - and it becomes obvious to the attentive reader that here is a man who finds it a challenge to even look after himself properly - an even greater responsibility looms on the horizon... 
 
Once you have read this book you will see Awkward Situations everywhere you go and life will never be the same again. And, it's very, very funny.

Awkward Situations for Men

Danny Wallace is about to turn thirty and his life has become a cliché. Recently married and living in a smart new area of town, he's swapped pints down the pub for lattes and brunch. For the first time in his life, he's feeling, well ... grown-up. 
 
But something's not right. Something's missing. Until he finds an old address book containing just twelve names. His best mates as a kid. Where are they now? Who are they now? And how are they coping with being grown-up too? 
 
And so begins a journey from A-Z, tracking down and meeting his old gang. He travels from Berlin to Tokyo, from Sydney to LA. He even goes to Loughborough. He meets Fijian chiefs. German rappers. Some ninjas. And a carvery manager who's managed to solve time travel. But how will they respond to a man they haven't seen in twenty years, turning up and asking if they're coming out to play? 
 
Part-comedy, part-travelogue, part-memoir, Friends Like These is the story of what can happen when you track down your past, and of where the friendships you thought you'd outgrown can take you today...

Friends Like These

Some men are born to lead. Others, not so much… 
 
Danny Wallace was bored. Just to see what would happen, he placed a whimsical ad in a local London paper. It said, simply, 'Join Me'. Within a month, he was receiving letters and emails from teachers, mechanics, sales reps, vicars, schoolchildren and pensioners - all pledging allegiance to his cause. But no one knew what his cause was. Soon he was proclaimed Leader. Increasingly obsessed and possibly power-crazed Danny risked losing his sanity and his loyal girlfriend. But who could deny the attraction of a global following of devoted joinees? 
 
A book about dreams, ambition and the responsibility that comes with power, Join Me is the true story of a man who created a cult by accident, and is proof that whilst some men were born to lead, others really haven't got a clue.

Join Me

One word. Unlimited consequences. 
 
The book that inspired the major film starring Jim Carrey and Zooey Deschanel 
 
'I, Danny Wallace, being of sound mind and body, do hereby write this manifesto for my life. I swear I will be more open to opportunity. I swear I will live my life taking every available chance. I will say Yes to every favour, request, suggestion and invitation. I WILL SWEAR TO SAY YES WHERE ONCE I WOULD SAY NO.' 
 
Danny Wallace had been staying in. Far too much. Having been dumped by his girlfriend, he really wasn't doing the young, free and single thing very well. Instead he was avoiding people. Texting them instead of calling them. Calling them instead of meeting them. That is until one fateful date when a mystery man on a late-night bus told him to 'say yes more'. These three simple words changed Danny's life forever. Yes Man is the story of what happened when Danny decided to say YES to everything, in order to make his life more interesting. And boy, did it get more interesting.

Yes Man

Jason Manford

The is the tale of a cheeky little sod from Salford called Jason growing up surrounded by his properly funny and most definitely shameless family and his discovery that being funny might actually get him somewhere. Other than detention, mugged, dumped or sacked that is. 
 
It's about being part of a big, northern, working-class family forever struggling with money, but never short on laughs or misadventures, who show that when the chips are down what really matters is sticking together.

Brung Up Proper

My Autobiography

Llewellyn Dowd

Phil McCracken

What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 9 pints 
 
What do you call a man with a 2 inch penis? Justin 
 
What's pink and hard in the morning? The Financial Times crossword 
 
Did you hear about the consignment of Viagra pills stolen from a warehouse? Police are on the lookout for hardened criminals 
 
An aeroplane is about to crash, when a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, 'If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.' She removes all her clothing and asks, 'Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?' 
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, 'Here, iron this!' 
 
The greatest ever collection of dirty jokes guaranteed to offend and outrage the prudish. Full of hilarious gags, it's totally politically incorrect, unashamedly x-rated and downright filthy. Definitely one to keep well out of the way of the mother-in-law...

Jokes for Blokes

The Ultimate Book of Jokes not Suitable for Mixed Company

Well, it just gets worse and worse doesn't it? Collapsing banks, collapsing countries, massive government cuts, rising debt, inflation and the possibility of a double dip. It's amid all this uncertainty that the already embattled modern woman needs the best advice she can get about how to be as cool and calm in life as possible. 
 
Keep Calm for Ladies offers the same pearls of life wisdom, inspirational quotes, proverbs and mantras as Keep Calm and Carry On but with women at their wits' end in mind. An emergency pocket survival bible for today's plucky female. 
 
'Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got' Janis Joplin 
 
'A man would prefer to come home to an unmade bed and a happy woman than to a neatly made bed and an angry woman' Marlene Dietrich 
 
'Remember, blood is not only much thicker than water, it's much more difficult to get out of the carpet' Phyllis Diller 
 
'In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman' Margaret Thatcher 
 
'Never eat more than you can lift' Miss Piggy

Keep Calm for Ladies

Good Advice for Hard Times

Richard Herring

Comedian Richard Herring has a major problem. He's about to turn 40 and hasn't seen it coming. He's not married, doesn't have a proper job or 2.4 children. But now, finally, it looks as if the world expects him to be a grown up - and he's completely unprepared for it. 
 
As the momentous and terrifying event approaches (his birthday), Richard notices a steep decline in his own behaviour. Inexplicably he begins to behave more childishly - hanging out with 22-year-olds, developing an unhealthy addiction to Flumps and even getting into a ludicrous fight. 
 
How Not to Grow Up is the funny story of how a self-confessed perpetual Big Kid deals with his greatest fear - getting older - and is the perfect book for everyone who, deep down, still thinks that they're 18.

How Not to Grow Up

A Coming of Age Memoir. Sort of.

Rory McGrath

'I remember thinking when I was about 14, "I hope God doesn't find out I'm an atheist".' 
 
This is Rory's story of being brought up a Catholic, going to Catholic school, being an altar boy; of the parents, priests, the nuns who taught him, the life and characters at his local Church. Until, that is, as a teenager in crisis, he abandons his faith and enters the god-forsaken world and the glamour of its evil ways with a spring in his step. 
 
But almost immediately he realises he has in the process also freed himself from certainty, comfort and hope. So his apostasy is a long and winding road which includes the coincidence of marrying a (lapsed) Catholic and getting married in a Catholic church so his children could attend the best school in the area. Its about how being raised a Catholic always colours your view of life and death and how it fuels the guilt you feel in every nook and cranny of that life, and how it provoked for him an [unsuccessful] search for God in other things; sex, drugs, drink, love, family, football and the Periodic Table. 
 
May contain traces of jokes.

The Father, the Son and the Ghostly Hole

Confessions from a guilt-edged life

Rosemarie Jarski

The bestselling, blockbusting, bumper book of humorous quotations rides back into town with 6,000 more hilariously funny quotes. From times past to the modern day, classic funnies to contemporary wit, The Funniest Thing You Never Said 2 delivers an unbeatable selection of fantastic and hilarious quotes on every subject under the sun. Featuring topics as diverse as celebrity to religion, and including a cast of quotees ranging from Oscar Wilde to Homer Simpson, there's something here for everyone with a sense of humour. 
 
'I am willing to love all mankind, except an American.' - Samuel Johnson 
 
'Glastonbury was very wet and muddy. There was trench foot, dysentery, peaches ... all the Geldof daughters.' - Sean Lock 
 
'Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people.' - Richard Nixon 
 
'I've had more women than most people have noses.' - Steve Martin 
 
'I have the simplest tastes. I'm always satisfied with the best.' - Oscar Wilde 
 
'Well, it's 1am. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.' - Homer Simpson 
 
'All I know is I'm not a Marxist.' - Karl Marx 
 
'I'm the pink sheep of the family.' - Alexander McQueen

Funniest Thing You Never Said 2

Jonathan Swan

Did you hear about the scarecrow that won the Nobel Prize? 
He was outstanding in his field. 
 
What kind of cheese can hide a horse? 
Mascarpone. 
 
What about the red ship and the purple ship that collided at sea? 
Over one hundred sailors were marooned. 
 
Did you hear about the paranoid vegetarian? 
He always feared the wurst. 
 
A blonde Essex girl walked into a bar with an Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman, and started to change the lightbulb. The barman asked, 'Is this some kind of joke?' 
 
The third in the bestselling series of hilarious joke books - packed full of every kind of joke to make you laugh until your sides split. From elephants to mothers-in-law, priests to chickens, 'knock knock' to 'doctor, doctor' and much more besides, A Man Walks into a Bar 3 contains over 2,500 great new gags. Even Queen Victoria would be amused.

A Man Walks Into a Bar 3

Danny Baker

Danny Kelly

At last! The award-winning Baker &amp; Kelly bring you the most entertaining, radical and unreliable football book ever published. The Two Dannys argue the toss, spill the beans and chew that fat about everything and anything from the biggest questions down to stuff they have frankly invented themselves. 
 
Which club has the handsomest fans? Who is the greatest player of all time? Pele? Maradona? Puskas? Rougvie? Have foreign players helped or hindered the English game? Well, Marco Boogers, well? And who was the greatest football dad, Fred Baker or Andy Kelly? 
 
Now with even more footballing facts, myths and legends, the paperback asks (and answers) hard-hitting questions, such as, what was the greatest ever World Cup? Just how much pathetic World Cup tat can one own, Danny Kelly? And where do all those beautiful women in the crowd come from? 
 
A cornucopia of footballing fun and well-crafted wisdom that is certain to sell like beer-flavoured crisps. Baker &amp; Kelly: Sometimes right sometimes wrong - but always certain.

Classic Football Debates Settled Once and For All, Vol.1

Phil Shaw

My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about seven - David Beckham 
 
For Tony to admit he is an alcoholic took an awful lot of bottle - Ian Wright on Tony Adams 
 
I've been playing in a golf day for a boy seriously injured in a car accident. I had to drive like a lunatic to get here - Ray Houghton, TalkSport football pundit, on why he was late on-air 
 
Reporter: What would you be if you weren't a footballer? 
Peter Crouch: A virgin. 
 
I've never been so certain about anything in my life. I want to be a coach. Or a manager. I'm not sure which - Phil Neville 
 
Footballers may not be known for their profound insights, but it seems no one in the game is above a mixed metaphor or confused cliché. From Harry Redknapp to Martin O'Neill, Patrice Evra to Jason McAteer, see the funny side of the beautiful game with this hilarious collection of verbal own goals. Packed full of hilarious quotes, quips and misfires from the biggest names in football, Tell Him He's Pele is a must for everyone with a sense of humour.

Tell Him He's Pele

The Greatest Collection of Humorous Football Quotations Ever!

Shaparak Khorsandi

It's 1977 and life in Iran is becoming unpredictable. The Shah will be overthrown and events are about to take place on the world stage. But for five-year-old Shappi Khorsandi all this means is that she must flee, leaving behind a mad extended Iran clan and everything she has ever known. 
 
Shappi and her beloved brother Peyvand arrive with their parents in London - all cold weather and strange food - without a word of English. If adapting to a new culture isn't troubling enough, it soon becomes clear that the Ayatollah's henchmen are in pursuit. With the help of MI5, Shappi's family go into hiding. So apart from checking under the family car for bombs every morning, Shappi's childhood is like any other kids' - swings in the park, school plays, kiss-chase and terrorists. 
 
'An extraordinary story...really funny and warm' 
Graham Norton

A Beginner's Guide To Acting English

Tim Bradford

Tim Bradford is growing up in a small town in Lincolnshire in the 1970s. Market Rasen is not the most exciting place, but to his teenage mind it was the centre of the universe. Tim is at that in-between phase between childhood and adolescence, where you are trying to be grown up and get your first snogs whilst at the same time still playing with airfix models and making dens. 
 
Tim takes us through his first crushes, falling in love with the local beauty queen and an elusive Gallic beauty on a French exchange. His first attempts at getting drunk and trying to impress girls, forming bands which churned out endless numbers of rubbish songs and trying to avoid deckings by the local hards. Tim and his equally hapless friends are gradually working towards breaking free of their childhoods and moving away from their roots. Life in this small town was a rollercoaster of mundane happenings. Small Town paints a portrait of the energy and melancholy at the heart of our generation, the inability to live for now and the feeling that something better is just around the corner. Too young (just) to be baby boomers and too English and uncool to call itself Generation X. It's a universal tale about dreams, ambitions, brass bands, cubs, rugby songs, football stickers, tractors, young love and valve amplifiers connected up to cheap distortion pedals, set at a time of political change and pudding basin hair.

Small Town England

And How I Survived It

Jeremy Hardy

When Jeremy Hardy decided to explore his ancestry it was, in part, to get to the bottom of his grandmother Rebecca's dubious claims that the family descended from a certain 17th-century architect and that, more recently, Jeremy's great-grandfather was a Royal bodyguard. Other legends ranged from the great aunt who ran illegal hooch during Prohibition to the wronged Victorian servant girl who bore an illegitimate Hardy, not forgetting the family's rightful claim to a large country estate. 
 
Wild stories aside, Jeremy sets out to such diverse locations as the Croydon one-way system and the hostile waters around Malta in order to find traces of recognisable family traits and a sense of how he came to be. With wry humour and a keen eye for the absurd and the frustrating, Jeremy takes us on a by turns funny and moving journey into the world of family ancestry. 
 
My Family and Other Strangers will be enjoyed by anyone who has tried to decipher the 1901 census records, or simply wishes they too had asked their grandparents more about their lives.

My Family and Other Strangers

Adventures in Family History

Mark Thomas

Mark Thomas has been touring the country for months, getting audiences to come up with policies aimed at sorting out the country's political chaos and taking back the power for the people. Sick to death of bailing out bankers and subsidising MPs homes, the audience vote on the best policy of the night to be included in the brand new People's Manifesto. 
 
From the inspiring to the downright hilarious, you'll wonder why these fantastic ideas aren't part of the constitution already. For example: 
 
- All politicians will be forced to wear the names and logos of the companies sponsor that them or with whom they have financial links. 
- Anyone who supports ID cards is banned from having curtains. 
- All models have to be picked at random from the electoral register. 
- Anyone found guilty of homophobic hate crime has to serve their sentence in drag. 
- CEOs convicted of fraud will be made to dress as pirates in whatever job they get in the future. 
 
The People's Manifesto will outline 50 policies of the manifesto shouted out in bold type on a page to themselves with Mark's commentary opposite. Mark has even 'road tested' some of them - like hosting a party in an MP's second home (which clearly belongs to the taxpayer) and getting university boffins to work out a way of SAT testing MPs to rank them by value. And Mark's guerrilla antics won't end there... 
 
Power to the people is really happening.

Mark Thomas Presents the People's Manifesto

Over 2,000 sporting funnies from every sport: football, rugby, cricket, golf, boxing, 
snooker and beyond... 
 
Two men fishing on a river bank in a canal in London on a Saturday afternoon miles away from a radio or TV. Suddenly one man turns to the other and says, 'Spurs have lost again.' The other man is astonished and says, 'How on earth do you know that?' The other man replies, 'It's quarter to five.' 
 
After the success of the George Foreman grill, Audley Harrison is launching his own toaster. The problem is it can only do four rounds. 
 
What does Steve Harmison put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket? A bat

Funny Shaped Balls

The Biggest Book of Sporting Jokes Ever

Mike Haskins

Searching for the ultimate stimulant? Something you can have on the bus in the morning or in the ambient comfort of your own home? The latest User's Guide - a totally natural and controlled experience - is just what you've been looking for. It contains everything you always wanted to know about drugs but were afraid to ask: The history of recreational drugs, a catalogue of natural highs and pharmaceuticals, the physiological effects, drugs and religion, drugs and the law, drug customs from around the world, trafficking drugs, drugs in literature, film and art, famous drug takers, drug slang, urban myths, drug legends and horror stories, quotations, tales of outrageous behaviour and a kilo of curious facts and figures. Did you know that- --Scientists have found traces of marijuana among Shakespeare's personal effects--Victorian prime minister Lord Rosebery would snort cocaine to help pep up his public speaking

Drugs

A User's Guide

Malcolm Hardee

John Fleming

To satisfy the needs of the hundreds of thousands of people who pay good money to see stand-up every year, Malcolm Hardee ('the comedian's comedian' WHSmith Online; 'a national monument' The Guardian) presents a comedy club on the page with a bill featuring the glitterati of British stand-up comedy. We let the famous names and new talents alike try out their written humour and their only brief is to make us laugh. We plan to make the book an annual event, and are sure it will soon become the world's largest virtual comedy club. Contributors include: Keith Allen, Jo Brand, Simon Day, Jenny -clair, Boothby Graffoe, Ricky Grover, Jeremy Hardy, Hattie Hayridge, John Hegley, Jeff Innocent, Mark Lamarr, Chris Lynam, Simon Munnery, Rob Newman, Mark Steel, Arthur Smith, Jim Tavare, Mark Thomas

Sit-Down Comedy

Stand-ups swap the stage for the page

Elliot Hester

What is it about air travel that brings out the craziest, rudest and most ridiculous side of human nature? After fourteen years as an air steward Elliot Hester still doesn't know. However, he does know all about crazy passengers, stressed-out crew and the infamous Mile High club. A tell-all exposé from real-life experience, Air Confidential reveals what really goes on behind the scenes and down the aisles of aeroplanes everywhere. 
 
We meet Miguel Mendoza, the playboy of the skies; Big Bertha, the flight attendant from hell; and the arrogant business man so terrified of mild turbulence he cries all the way to Miami. 
 
Packed full of scandalous tales of drunkenness, debauchery and generally bad behaviour (and not just from the passengers), these stories are so funny you'll choke on your complimentary mini-pretzels.

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